Why I hate your dog.

Skullmeat · 05-16-2016, 03:14 AM

Alright, lets be honest. Dogs suck. (Moreover, their owners suck.) Here is why.

1. I don't give a flying fuck about what your dog did today.
Really. In your eyes your dog can do no wrong am I right? RIIIIIIIIGHT. For one, its not cute when your dog misbehaves. It's not cute. It's annoying. The last thing I want to hear about when I visit is how your dog pulled a bunch of food off the table, ate it, and how smart he is for doing it.

2. Your dog is not a person.
Your dog has no fucking idea what you are saying when you baby talk to it. All it knows is that its probably gonna get a treat. Or food. Which only serves to excite it. Which makes it run around and bark.

3. Shut up your dog.
BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!

4. This is my number one peeve. STOP FEEDING YOUR PET TABLE SCRAPS!
The last thing I want to do is sit down with you at the table, eating a delicious sandwich, and have your dog staring up at me waiting to feed him like a homeless bum begging for some change. Don't lie to me, I know why they do that, and they don't know the difference between you doing it, and me not wanting to.

5. Keep your dog in your yard.
Goddamn, how many times have I had to clean up your dog's poop after I step in it?
And how many times have I had to clean up the mess after it gets into my trash?

6. Put your dog away.
For the love of god, when I visit, the last thing I want is to do is french a dog that eats its own poop. And before you say it, no, a dogs mouth is not cleaner than a humans. I don't reach into the toilet and eat my own excrement.

pvnk · 05-16-2016, 03:34 AM

Why are you mad over this?

dunderbutt2000 · 05-16-2016, 03:39 AM

My dog is pretty cool. Today a bigger dog got in our yard and he chased it away and made the bigger dog yelp. I also love talking to my dog. I swear, it's like he can understand me or something. It's so cute that I just have to give him a treat afterward. He barks a lot, but like the doctors said about my mentally handicapped brother, that's just him expressing himself. I always make sure to treat him like a person, and as such, I'm sure to include him at the kitchen table with his own plate. I also don't believe in constraints because I live in America, so I make sure he has the freedom to shit in the neighbor's yard if he wants. I've also trained him to lick everyone that comes by to ensure that he gets used to them.

/s

In all seriousness, dogs are pretty great and all the problems you listed are problems on the owner, not the dog. Dogs can be trained not to bark, lick, shit where you want them to, etc. And it's not that their mouths are cleaner than ours, they're mouths are just better at killing bacteria than ours.