[m0dem]

Share some?

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first asks for a beer. The second asks for half a beer. The third asks for a quarter beer. The fourth is begins to order an eighth of a beer but the bartender cuts him off.
"You're all idiots."
He pours two beers and goes to help other customers.

A wife asks her husband, who is a software engineer: "Could you please go shopping for me and buy 1 carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him why the hell did he buy 6 cartons of milk??? He: "They had eggs"

I always heard it as a circle with radius z, is pi z z = A. Or pi z^2 = area

Gold walks into a bar. The bartender says "A u, get outta here."

Why did the programmer die in the shower? The shampoo bottle said: "Wash, rinse, repeat."

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says "No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

A historian, an engineer and a statistician are duck hunting. A duck rises from the lake. The historian fires first and shoots 10' over the duck. The engineer fires second and shoots 10' under the duck. The statistician jumps up excitedly and exclaims "We got him!"

[mothered]

A few good ones, particularly the one about the programmer.

Here's one:

Blonde - What does IDK mean?
mothered - I don't know
Blonde - OMG no one knows what it means!

[Pikami]

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

[Blink]

Some of these are quite funny. I shall subscribe to this thread.

[LordBos_X]

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na

[Shin]

Nice!! I've got a joke. ?

One day, you open your door, and find a snail.
You throw it far away.
2 years later, you then open the door.
You then realize it's the same Snail.
It then says,
"What was that for?"

[m0dem]

Spoiler:

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

This is a great one!

[Blink]

Nice!! I've got a joke. ?

One day, you open your door, and find a snail.
You throw it far away.
2 years later, you then open the door.
You then realize it's the same Snail.
It then says,
"What was that for?"

Eh. A little bland.

[AngehYT]

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na

That is the oldest joke I know hahah

[Inori]

The pizza one is hilarious, I've always been taught that its pi r^2, so I never made a connection

What should you do with a dead chemist?
Barium.

This one is worth half my Reddit karma

What did the Wizard say to the distracted Barbarian?
Mage you look.