[mothered]

metods not working

It's not that they don't work, but rather you failed to pursue the SE. A police report Is simply part of their protocol to move forward with the claim. File the report, allow their administration to put pen to paper and get your replacement/refund thereafter.

Is it possible to prepare a false police report?

If you're comfortable with arranging conjugal visits for the next 5 years, go for It.

On a serious note, don't even think about falsifying a police report.