[Eclipse]

I do own these Vans... They've been in the sea, horse shit, mud, and left out in the rain.

Maybe I could clean them up and claim discoloration from wearing them for one day in the sun?

It could work but make sure they still sell them. You don't want to go through the awkward position of explaining why you haven't worn them for 5 years or you haven't claimed for 5 years. (Just an example.)