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i need a bit of help - darkdan18 - 07-07-2014
hey guys, i dont know if you guys are my little pony fans or not. ( Yes im a brony)
but i was doing a RP charicter and im having a bit of trouble with writers block. I'll copy and paste what i have and if you guys could help me id apreciate it. id even give you 100 SP.
thanks guys! (and dont hate on MLP its da bomb >.> )
Name: StarLight
Gender: Male
Race: Pegasus
Age: 19
Appearance: Starlight is a pure white pegasus with dark blue eyes with a black mane and tale. he gets his dark blue eyes from his mother and his color, mane, and tail from his father.
Cutie Mark and Special Talent: Starlight's Cutie Mark is a bat wing with a comet tail, surrounded by Purple Hearts, and Two Bright Stars Shining over Head. His cutiemark Symbolizes his love for the light of the stars, and the ponies under them. Nothing it more magical to him then stars to Starlight, He loves them. They twinkle brightly and carry every ponies dreams on them. So while every pony else is sleepy He stays up all night and clear the skies so the stars can watch over everypony, and their hopes, dreams, and wishes will make it to the heavens.
Personality: A shy and clumsy Pegasus, that has a love for the night and takes the time to sleep through most of the day so he can spend the evenings under the stars. This little pony like his name, Starlight, sores like a shooting star over the pony villages hopping to one day make it into the NightGuard, the personal guards of Princess Luna.
Biography: Starlight was born on the night of a full moon in Cloudsdale. As a young pegasus he spent most of his time sleeping, trying to fly, and sneaking out at night to gaze at the stars. Starlight didnt learn how to fly untill his teen years, which the other pegasi made fun of him for. At the age 16 he was finally accepted into flight academey, which is a school for the elite flyers of Equestria.
Over the years he rise in the ranks, aiming to become a NightGuard.
^ thats all i got sofar and i want atleast 2 paragraphs for my biography. anybody think they could help me? lol i think i sound stupid asking this. @duubz duubz i command you to help me with my writers block >.>
the only reason im asking you guys is cause i know 30 yr olds who love this show
RE: i need a bit of help - Mom - 07-07-2014
Massive amounts of work can be done here editing-wise, not even touching onto expanding.
Then again I'm an experienced ( Homestuck- )roleplayer, so taking tips from me would be like trying to treat a light cough with surgery.
Dunno if you'll find much help though. I don't think roleplayers are terribly common, especially not here.
RE: i need a bit of help - lux - 07-07-2014
I'm a heavy SA:MP/Arma 3 Role Player. But not really MLP. Sorry... Just put yourself in your characters shoes. Or should I say hooves.
RE: i need a bit of help - darkdan18 - 07-07-2014
i know just ugh the writers block >.< its worse the duubz forcing himself upon my water bottle xD
im an average roleplayer and this is my first MLP roleplay charicter so this is why its so hard
(07-07-2014, 06:09 AM)Schrödinger Wrote: Massive amounts of work can be done here editing-wise
any suggestions on what to edit?
RE: i need a bit of help - darkdan18 - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 06:47 AM)Ryan Wrote: Welcome to SL! I am extremely inactive.
dude this isnt an.... nvm
RE: i need a bit of help - MiS - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 05:52 AM)darkdan18 Wrote: the only reason im asking you guys is cause i know 30 yr olds who love this show
You realize that most of the active people's age group here is around 16 - 25, right?
RE: i need a bit of help - lux - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 07:38 AM)MiS Wrote: You realize that most of the active people's age group here is around 16 - 25, right?
Oh wow, setting high expectations to the new guy aren't you?
RE: i need a bit of help - Mom - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 07:38 AM)MiS Wrote: You realize that most of the active people's age group here is around 16 - 25, right?
I just realized my mothers purse isn't a cat.
Realization is hard.
(07-07-2014, 06:18 AM)darkdan18 Wrote: i know just ugh the writers block >.< its worse the duubz forcing himself upon my water bottle xD
im an average roleplayer and this is my first MLP roleplay charicter so this is why its so hard
any suggestions on what to edit?
As I said, I'm very experienced, especially given the Homestuck setting that delves into metaphysical/lightly-dark psychology, MLP ends up being on the... 'Casual' spectrum. The first thing I'd delve into, really, is just the typos.
I write multi-paragraph stuff and grammar is extremely important.
The occasional slip is fine, as we are all human, but that rundown is littered with typos. Take care of that.
If you're wondering as to the importance of grammar, don't think "Oh, it's only important to Schro because he/she/it writes lengthy posts.", you need to think "Grammar is more important to me because my posts are shorter, therefor mistakes tend to be more blatant.".
Baby steps in fixing it all.
RE: i need a bit of help - MiS - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 07:39 AM)Lux Wrote: Oh wow, setting high expectations to the new guy aren't you?
Not at all, I just find it odd he'd mention that tidbit when asking for help.
OT: Are you trying to emulate yourself onto your character, or make a completely new, different story? It's a bit hard to tell what advice to give you without pointing us in the direction you want your biography to go.
RE: i need a bit of help - darkdan18 - 07-07-2014
(07-07-2014, 07:47 AM)MiS Wrote: OT: Are you trying to emulate yourself onto your character, or make a completely new, different story? It's a bit hard to tell what advice to give you without pointing us in the direction you want your biography to go.
a completely new one.