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+---- Thread: Expectations in life. (/Thread-Expectations-in-life)
Expectations in life. - cr33pyguy - 05-24-2014
So this thread is here to discuss what your parents expect you to achieve/be, and what you yourself expect from yourself to achieve in life.
Personally, my parents raised me up in a very open-minded way - I was not expected to go to church/be religious, I was not expected to play in any teams, to play an instrument, or anything of the sort. Actually, now that I think of it, I think practically the only expectations were to be moderate about everything I do, and not to lie to my own family.
I assume that around the world there are quite a few differences in this, so if you feel like it, you can post the country/region you're from/were raised up in - I, for example was raised in one of the nordic countries (some of you might know which country, I'm not too secretive about it.)
RE: Expectations in life. - MiS - 05-24-2014
I'm the exact opposite - my parents had a lot of expectations from me, especially considering that I'm the youngest of three, to follow in my sibling's footsteps. I was taught to play an instrument, to study well and top the classes, and to selflessly follow my parent's religion since a young age. They're VERY religious folk, and as such they hold their values close to what they worship, too.
Honestly, I've tried quite hard to live up to them, but it's hard to make someone see that what worked for them in their years, is a lot different than what your kids will experience in their years. I feel like if I hadn't always been chasing this goal they've set up for me, but rather my own, I'd have a clearer understanding of what to do in my life. Now I'm torn between fulfilling their expectations endlessly until it happens, or confronting them with what I want to do (which I don't even know what it is, since I've just been trying to please them most of my life).
RE: Expectations in life. - Adorapuff - 05-24-2014
I am being raised in a Jewish family, and as a transgender teenager who is expected to be a doctor can say it sucks. My parents are basically forcing me to be a doctor, and I can't wait till I have to tell them I'm trans (When my dysphoria gets really bad). My mom will make me wait til I'm 18 to start hormones and say that I can't do it living under her roof, and my dad will tell me I'm not trans, as he truly believes its not real. FML
RE: Expectations in life. - MiS - 05-24-2014
(05-24-2014, 10:21 PM)Adorapuff Wrote: I am being raised in a Jewish family, and as a transgender teenager who is expected to be a doctor can say it sucks. My parents are basically forcing me to be a doctor, and I can't wait till I have to tell them I'm trans (When my dysphoria gets really bad). My mom will make me wait til I'm 18 to start hormones and say that I can't do it living under her roof, and my dad will tell me I'm not trans, as he truly believes its not real. FML
If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean "he truly believes its not real"? Does he think it's only a phase or something?
RE: Expectations in life. - cr33pyguy - 05-25-2014
(05-24-2014, 10:20 PM)MiS Wrote: Honestly, I've tried quite hard to live up to them, but it's hard to make someone see that what worked for them in their years, is a lot different than what your kids will experience in their years. I feel like if I hadn't always been chasing this goal they've set up for me, but rather my own, I'd have a clearer understanding of what to do in my life. Now I'm torn between fulfilling their expectations endlessly until it happens, or confronting them with what I want to do (which I don't even know what it is, since I've just been trying to please them most of my life).
I think you should do whatever you want to do, it's your life. Most likely they're trying to force you to be what they wanted to be, however you won't be satisfied with it.
But then again, who am I to give you advice, I'm a random dude on the internet.
RE: Expectations in life. - Jiggly - 05-25-2014
Adorapuff, I think I have mentioned my friend before. They came out a few years ago about it to their parents. Her mum cried if she even mentioned she was gay. They were convinced it was a phase. Her Dad would take her out to do "male bonding" stuff and the family are very Christian. Eventually her parents took her out to get diagnosed. They were expecting the Doctors to say that she'd gone insane, instead of just suffering Gender Dysphoria. However, since the diagnosis of her gender issues, her parents slowly became more open about it over time. I hope that one day your parents will open up to it. Do you think having a professional talk to your parents after a diagnosis may help? Also, I was thinking, it's likely to be more difficult to get your parents support when you're younger, as opposed to when you're older. I know it's better to start hormones as young as possible, but in terms of parental acceptance, I would assume they're more likely to believe it when you're older. These are just my thoughts, they may be completely off the mark.
Lemme know if you wanna talk about it though Adora :3 I'm always around.
(05-24-2014, 10:20 PM)MiS Wrote: I'm the exact opposite - my parents had a lot of expectations from me, especially considering that I'm the youngest of three, to follow in my sibling's footsteps. I was taught to play an instrument, to study well and top the classes, and to selflessly follow my parent's religion since a young age. They're VERY religious folk, and as such they hold their values close to what they worship, too.
Honestly, I've tried quite hard to live up to them, but it's hard to make someone see that what worked for them in their years, is a lot different than what your kids will experience in their years. I feel like if I hadn't always been chasing this goal they've set up for me, but rather my own, I'd have a clearer understanding of what to do in my life. Now I'm torn between fulfilling their expectations endlessly until it happens, or confronting them with what I want to do (which I don't even know what it is, since I've just been trying to please them most of my life).
It sounds really tough. Is it worth talking to other people about their goals? To help you discover what you like the thought of doing? Most people don't get their dream jobs until they are much older. So regardless of what you choose to do now, it doesn't have to stay that way for the rest of your life. Some people can go from doing one career until they're 40 and then realise they want to do something completely different.
I would recommend going with what you want to do. Although you'll want to please your parents, I think it's better to lead a more fulfilling life doing what interests you. I'd like to think they won't be disappointed in you for following something that's important to you, and seeing you succeed in it.
Also, don't forget, the time in which you're with them and being led by them comes to an end a lot quicker than you'd expect. You get to a point where you're in complete control of your own life when you start becoming an adult (even though you won't feel all that old, trust me). I'm sure that if you do confront them and show them you want to do something that doesn't match their hopes, they won't disown you over it. Goodluck in whatever you do decide though!
RE: Expectations in life. - MiS - 05-25-2014
(05-25-2014, 12:40 AM)cr33pyguy Wrote: I think you should do whatever you want to do, it's your life. Most likely they're trying to force you to be what they wanted to be, however you won't be satisfied with it.
But then again, who am I to give you advice, I'm a random dude on the internet.
I think it's because you're a random dude on the internet that I should take your word for it: a completely unbiased answer. I really appreciate your advice!
(05-25-2014, 12:53 AM)Jiggly Wrote: It sounds really tough. Is it worth talking to other people about their goals? To help you discover what you like the thought of doing? Most people don't get their dream jobs until they are much older. So regardless of what you choose to do now, it doesn't have to stay that way for the rest of your life. Some people can go from doing one career until they're 40 and then realise they want to do something completely different.
I would recommend going with what you want to do. Although you'll want to please your parents, I think it's better to lead a more fulfilling life doing what interests you. I'd like to think they won't be disappointed in you for following something that's important to you, and seeing you succeed in it.
Also, don't forget, the time in which you're with them and being led by them comes to an end a lot quicker than you'd expect. You get to a point where you're in complete control of your own life when you start becoming an adult (even though you won't feel all that old, trust me). I'm sure that if you do confront them and show them you want to do something that doesn't match their hopes, they won't disown you over it. Goodluck in whatever you do decide though!
To be honest, I was always soft-spoken around my parents, since I never really had the voice to speak up to them: it was always one lecture or another about how to be successful following their way of life, their advice. Confrontation is really what I want to do with them, and at the same time it's one of the things I'm absolutely scared of.
But I see what you mean, it's not possible for someone to be happy with their self if they just set out to achieve the interests of what someone else set for them. I really do hope I find what I want to do quite soon: I might be young, but every day feels like it never ends the more I think about it.
RE: Expectations in life. - Equinox - 05-25-2014
My parents have always expected me to be great. To be some sort of big face in the crowd. They want me to go to college, and get a big job in a very well-paying industry. Their expectations have changed a little bit over the time, considering that I've done a lot of drawing before. I started off drawing at an early point in my life, and because of this my parents wanted me to be some sort of artist. When I was about 10 or 11, I started going into webmastery, I did HTML and CSS, though not much else. My parents expected that I grow up and do webmastery professionally until around 12 when I started getting into programming and such. Now they want me to go to college, and make programs, and make really good money.
Personally, how I see it, low-riding ankle socks have higher and greater possibilities than my future.
RE: Expectations in life. - Adorapuff - 05-25-2014
(05-24-2014, 10:30 PM)MiS Wrote: If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean "he truly believes its not real"? Does he think it's only a phase or something?
He literally thinks that it is a disease that is curable... (not by HRT)
(05-25-2014, 12:53 AM)Jiggly Wrote: Adorapuff, I think I have mentioned my friend before. They came out a few years ago about it to their parents. Her mum cried if she even mentioned she was gay. They were convinced it was a phase. Her Dad would take her out to do "male bonding" stuff and the family are very Christian. Eventually her parents took her out to get diagnosed. They were expecting the Doctors to say that she'd gone insane, instead of just suffering Gender Dysphoria. However, since the diagnosis of her gender issues, her parents slowly became more open about it over time. I hope that one day your parents will open up to it. Do you think having a professional talk to your parents after a diagnosis may help? Also, I was thinking, it's likely to be more difficult to get your parents support when you're younger, as opposed to when you're older. I know it's better to start hormones as young as possible, but in terms of parental acceptance, I would assume they're more likely to believe it when you're older. These are just my thoughts, they may be completely off the mark.Thanks so much Jiggly <3!
Lemme know if you wanna talk about it though Adora :3 I'm always around.
RE: Expectations in life. - Dyme - 05-25-2014
My expectations and beliefs are pretty reflective of my parents, so we're not at odds very often regarding this.