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+--- Thread: I was cheated on... (/Thread-I-was-cheated-on)
RE: I was cheated on... - Grin - 01-10-2014
(01-10-2014, 01:38 PM)Destiny Wrote: I don't believe that based on personal experience, and its not true love if they forced to marriage in the first place. Its the same as brainwashing, they aren't allowed to break up, they aren't allowed to be unhappy. So they cannot be or do certain things as it would be the "wrong" thing to do. People who marry out of free will doesn't have these restrains.
They are allowed to be unhappy and they are allowed to get divorced. If you don't believe that, it would just mean that you haven't learned to love somebody. I'm guessing you're an adolescent so obviously you disagree. Saying that it's brainwashing is absolutely ignorant. It's essentially the same as saying that loving your kids can be attributed to the fact that you have been brainwashed. Just because you grew up in a romantic culture doesn't mean that you cannot learn to love.
RE: I was cheated on... - Kureo - 01-12-2014
(01-10-2014, 09:20 PM)Grin Wrote: They are allowed to be unhappy and they are allowed to get divorced. If you don't believe that, it would just mean that you haven't learned to love somebody. I'm guessing you're an adolescent so obviously you disagree. Saying that it's brainwashing is absolutely ignorant. It's essentially the same as saying that loving your kids can be attributed to the fact that you have been brainwashed. Just because you grew up in a romantic culture doesn't mean that you cannot learn to love.
I never said that the din't feel love, I said that the love they felt was one of such that isn't considered "pure/true" love. "Pure/True" love is subjective, something one decides for oneself, not a choice made by someone else. A fixed marriage isn't that, its decided and not subjective in any way. What I meant that they aren't "allowed" to divorce or be unhappy may have been fairly vague. As what I meant is that they won't do it, or they won't show it because of the way their raised. They are raised to "love" a certain person decided by their families, effectively destroying the meaning of "pure/true" love. Also, you were quick to call me ignorant, even though you proved your self to be more fitting of that title. ( As you only accept a single point of view, and label another wrong ) The way one loves a partner is not the same as the way a parent loves their child. They have completely different bonds, and cannot be compared. ( So your statement that tried to correct me is invalid )
You mean that a person who is raised, learned and shown how to "love" a already decided person can learn the meaning of "pure/true" love. Now that is correct, but it more often that this is not the case in a society that works like that. Its a fact of human nature, we adapt to survive. Stockholm syndrome is a syndrome were as the victim gets so attached to the person that has kidnapped them or done ill things to them that they may see them as family or even fall in love. Though this isn't considered "pure/true" love as its a survival mechanism that you haven't chosen yourself. In the same way that someone who grows up in a culture where things such has been decided from birth aren't allowed to decide. They may not be in "love" with the other person because they feel that way, the may and most likely will be because of the same aspect as the Stockholm syndrome. Its a survival mechanism, they are in "love" with someone because that is all they know and that is their way of living, their way of "survival".
RE: I was cheated on... - Grin - 01-13-2014
(01-12-2014, 12:55 AM)Destiny Wrote: I never said that the din't feel love, I said that the love they felt was one of such that isn't considered "pure/true" love. "Pure/True" love is subjective, something one decides for oneself, not a choice made by someone else. A fixed marriage isn't that, its decided and not subjective in any way. What I meant that they aren't "allowed" to divorce or be unhappy may have been fairly vague. As what I meant is that they won't do it, or they won't show it because of the way their raised. They are raised to "love" a certain person decided by their families, effectively destroying the meaning of "pure/true" love. Also, you were quick to call me ignorant, even though you proved your self to be more fitting of that title. ( As you only accept a single point of view, and label another wrong ) The way one loves a partner is not the same as the way a parent loves their child. They have completely different bonds, and cannot be compared. ( So your statement that tried to correct me is invalid )
You mean that a person who is raised, learned and shown how to "love" a already decided person can learn the meaning of "pure/true" love. Now that is correct, but it more often that this is not the case in a society that works like that. Its a fact of human nature, we adapt to survive. Stockholm syndrome is a syndrome were as the victim gets so attached to the person that has kidnapped them or done ill things to them that they may see them as family or even fall in love. Though this isn't considered "pure/true" love as its a survival mechanism that you haven't chosen yourself. In the same way that someone who grows up in a culture where things such has been decided from birth aren't allowed to decide. They may not be in "love" with the other person because they feel that way, the may and most likely will be because of the same aspect as the Stockholm syndrome. Its a survival mechanism, they are in "love" with someone because that is all they know and that is their way of living, their way of "survival".
Please, enlighten me. What is 'true love'?
And how is Stockholm Syndrome relevant to successful arranged marriages?
RE: I was cheated on... - pandandesign - 01-13-2014
I personally think she has made the decision to cheat on you, therefore, you have the answer right there. I would not give a second chance to someone who's cheated on me. There's no excuse for that because there will be a second time. I would just move on because I don't want to allow to continue the relationship when someone's cheated on me.
RE: I was cheated on... - Kureo - 01-13-2014
(01-13-2014, 12:46 AM)Grin Wrote: Please, enlighten me. What is 'true love'?
And how is Stockholm Syndrome relevant to successful arranged marriages?
"True love" is highly subjective. Though it is still based of an emotion, so it has its limits. Love that is cause out of fear, threat or because someone has been raised a certain way isn't true love as it is a emotion which is forced out.
Stockholm Syndrome is caused when a captive become extremely attached to their capture. Though this is not the case here, its still shares some aspects. I said that love which is forced out isn't love, no emotion really is. ( Anger may be argued ) The same logic works for this syndrome as well. Its not a true emotion, as its forced out as a survival technique.
RE: I was cheated on... - theshaynee - 01-13-2014
As someone who has been the cheater in this situation, I know that nothing I say is going to make you feel better. It's okay to be upset. It's definitely okay to be angry. I do agree with someone else who posted that you should find out if this was just a passing thing or if there were real feelings there. That seems pointless right now but it'll be important later when you're actually healing from this. I'm sorry that you're having to go through all this. It really is heartbreaking and one of the worst feelings in the world. And I know a lot of people will tell you that it wasn't you. I can promise you that it wasn't you. It had nothing to do with you. My past actions had nothing to do with anyone I was with. Those were my decisions, my choices. So it's very true that there is nothing wrong with you. She is just going through something deeper than either of you can understand right now.
RE: I was cheated on... - Grin - 01-13-2014
(01-13-2014, 07:27 PM)Destiny Wrote: "True love" is highly subjective. Though it is still based of an emotion, so it has its limits. Love that is cause out of fear, threat or because someone has been raised a certain way isn't true love as it is a emotion which is forced out.
Stockholm Syndrome is caused when a captive become extremely attached to their capture. Though this is not the case here, its still shares some aspects. I said that love which is forced out isn't love, no emotion really is. ( Anger may be argued ) The same logic works for this syndrome as well. Its not a true emotion, as its forced out as a survival technique.
I want your definition of 'love'.
It's hardly a survival technique if divorce is an available option.