[Inori]

I think it's V2? I don't know. Anyway, post jokes. I'll start.

While walking the border of his pasture, a farmer in the Scottish highlands sees a man drinking water from a stream.
He yells to the man: "Non beba a auga, está chea de merda de vaca!" (don't drink the water, it's full of cow shit).
The man yells back: "Sorry, could you repeat that in English?! I'm from Britain!"
Now knowing this, the farmer yells back: "Use both hands, you'll get more in!"

[Shinoa]

Person A: What is perfect communism like?
Person B: Everyone has what they need.
Person A: But what about if there is a shortage of meat?
Person B: There will be a sign at the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

[Blink]

A man walks into a bar:

Spoiler:

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."

The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."

The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.

A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.

"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.

"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."

What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Spoiler:

That wasn't a question.

How Long is a Chinese name?

Spoiler:

Yes.

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'

A programmer is told to "go to hell", he finds the worst part of that statement is the "go to"

[Ecks]

A man sits down at a bar and orders a shot on the rocks.
Bartender reaches into the ice bin with his hands and puts the ice the glass when the man abruptly stops him and demands he use the ice tongs.
The bartender turns and asks the man "are you one of those germaphobes" to which the man replies "Yeah sure".
So the bartender grabs another glass and uses the tongs and pours the man his drink and waits patiently for the man to begin drinking.
Seeing his opportune time the bartender replies " Yeah I am a germaphobe myself, thats why I use these tongs to hold my dick while I piss".

[mothered]

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'

This Is awesome, It's made my day.

Ironically, around 3 hours prior to reading this, I was working with the SQL JOIN Clause.

[TheMonvster]

I'd like to make the world a better place

Spoiler:

but they wont give me the source code

[mothered]

This one Is somewhat silly, but I'll throw It In anyway.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Spoiler:

Because he wasn't Peeling well.